So one day, he marched right up to Ade and he said, "Oy, wot the hell is wrong wit oo? Why do ai olways 'ave tah ge' run ovah boui a truck? can' anythain' NAICE evah 'appen ta mah?"

So, being the kind person that she is, Ade decided to write a nice little fanfic for Lol.

One day, Lol was outside, running about, being his usual monkeyish self. Lol was feeling a bit depressed that his royalty check had not come in the mail, so decided the best thing to do was to go down to the pub and get completely smashed. Decided, he set off towards the local bar, scowl on his face and head hanging.

"Why did this have to happen to me?" he muttered angrily to himself, accent disappearing as Ade's weariness increased. "I'm not such a bad guy. Sure, I'm a stupid, ugly, and a horrible drummer, but I'm not all bad. Don't they remember the time I pissed on Billy Idol? How could they forget my finest moment?" shaking his head, Lol continued on, nearly falling flat on his squishy face as he tripped over a spindly mass of black curled up in the alleyway.

"What the hell?" Lol cried, falling over in contradiction to the previous sentence. "Who left their trash in the alley? Honestly, what a place to keep it..." Suddenly, a head appeared on the lumpy bag of trash, for it wasn't garbage at all (well, some might argue to that statement...) but Roger, The Cure's replacement keyboardist and Lol's arch enemy.

"Oh, hello Lol," Roger sniffed, peering up at the ex-drummer with watery, red eyes.

"Growl," Lol growled, glaring at Roger. "It's YOU."

Upon hearing this hostile greeting, Roger's bottom lip began to quiver. He stared up at Lol, then burst helplessly and rather wimpily into tears.

"What the hell?!" Lol said, startled as Roger collapsed, sobbing, at his feet.

"Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Roger bawled, his tears splattering against Lol's worn-out Reeboks.

"What's the matter with you?" Lol asked, startled and slightly annoyed at the fact Roger was getting his best pair of shoes all salty.

"Sniff, sniff... Robert..." Roger gurgled, barely coherent. "Robert... Robert doesn't love me! WAHHHHHHH!"

"What?!" Lol cried, unbelieveing. "Is that what you're bawling about?"

Roger nodded, mascara smeared horribly about his face. Lol knelt down beside Roger, his previous hostility softened slightly.

"Aw, don't feel bad," he said, putting a hand on Roger's shoulder in a rather bad attempt at comfort. "Robert doesn't love anyone. The bastard..." he added rather loudly under his breath.

Roger looked up at him, face contorted. "He loves Simon," he whimpered.

"Oh, hell," Lol snorted, sitting back on his feet. "Robert can love that fag all he wants to..." Lol trailed off as Roger shot him a warning glance, checking to make sure there were no easily offended readers about. Or ones that might know the writer well enough to call her a hypocrite...

"Anyway," Lol continued, glancing warily over his shoudler. "All you need is a good shag."

"That's what I've been TRYING to get," Roger snapped, crossing his arms sulkily in front of him.

"Hey, don't be mad at me," Lol said, starting to get up. "I need one too." Roger looked at him, an idea forming in his head. Lol looked at Roger, a very similar, but slightly sicker idea forming in his head. Ade ran to the bathroom, a slightly nauseous feeling forming in her stomach as the realization of where this fanfic was headed formed in her head.

"Do you want to..." Lol said, but before he could say anything else, Roger was on him and they were doing the goddamned SICKEST THING imanginable. Unless, of course, you're Spider Lullaby. Hoo boy, am I going to get it for that one.

48 seconds later, Lol and Roger were laying in the alleyway under a blanket they had thankfully managed to find, Lol smoking and Roger quietly crying to himself.

"Aw, what the fuck are you crying about now?" Lol asked.

"Sniff... I feel like I betrayed Robert!" Roger moaned, burying his face in his hands.

"What? aren't I good enough for you?" Lol asked, studying his cigarette. "I once pissed on Billy Idol, you know. How many times has your precious Robert done THAT?"

Roger wasn't listening however, he was staring at a great black truck that was coming towards them at incredible speed. As the truck approached, he jumped up, gathering the blankets around himself in that sly sitcom fashion.

"ROBERT!" he yelled, running up to the side of the truck as it pulled to a stop, engines roaring still. As he peered in the window, he saw the truck had not stopped at the will of the driver, but rather on its own as Robert had neglected to keep his foot on the gas pedal, being very busy indeed with something in the passenger's seat.

"Wo'?" Robert mumbled, looking up from his preoccupation. He looked around, then down at Roger's smiling face. "Oh, hello Roger," he said, uninterested. Roger was about to ask a question of Robert, when suddenly, the face of Simon appeared beside Robert's.

"Wot's all this?" Simon asked, looking around. His hair was even more disheveled than usual, and an odd liquid graced the side of his face. He spotted Roger and gave a funny little growl, pulling Robert close to him. Robert shoved him away.

"Ge' off me," he whined, then turned back to the window. "Aha!" he shouted, spotting Lol. "There you are."

"Oh, bollocks!" Lol yelled. "I thought this was supposed to be MY fanfic! This isn't fair!"

"We're gonna run 'oo over with a truck, boy," Robert laughed, pointing a long white finger at Lol. Lol crossed his arms in front of him, a scowl on his face.

"That's not fair! Why do you guys hate me so much?" he protested. "I'm not such a bad guy. Once, I pissed on Billy Idol. Don't you remember?"

"He's got a point there," Simon said, looking at Robert.

"Shut up, Simon," Robert said, and smacked him. Simon shut up, holding his cheek with one hand and glaring at Robert. Uncaring, Robert gunned the engine. "Get out of the way, Roger," he said, grinning evilly.

"No, this isn't fair! This is MY fanfic, and Ade PROMISED me she'd be nice and that you would not run me over in this one!" he whined. "It's the RULES! No breaking fanfic rules."

"Yeah, well, I'm Robert fucking Smith and I can do whatever the hell I want," Robert said, and floored it, reducing Lol to his natural state: an oozing puddle of pink and yellow mush.

"Hahahaha!" Robert laughed, clapping his hands gleefully. Simon fell on him, smothering him in kisses and various other forms of affection much too graphic to delve into.

"You're my hero," Simon laughed.

"Shut up, bitch," Robert said, smacking him. "Now come on, let's go back to my place and snog."

"Alright!" Simon cried, and they drove off into the sunset, drinking cognac and being cheerfully abusive all the way, until they ran into a tree and died in a horrible flaming wreck. But at least they were drunk... poor Lol never even made it to the bar. Hehe.

"Oh, bollocks!" Roger cried, and blew his head off with a shot gun, there being nothing else left for him to do.